1. How did you come to know God's love for you personally and that He had a plan for your life?
I was brought up Catholic and went to Sunday Mass, however, I thought God was some big, powerful guy far, far, far off in the sky. As I hit my teenage years, life became very hard - especially with school - because I was angry at myself, the world, and especially at God. I could not understand why He let all the suffering in my life take place. I remember thinking, ‘Why is this happening to me? I did not do anything to deserve it.’ This anger turned me away from God.
By the time I finished high school I was in a spiral heading downwards, filled with great anger and struggling with very low self-esteem. However, somehow I kept going to Mass on Sunday, most likely out of obligation to my parents. At my lowest point I decided to seek help. I applied to a centre for those with learning disabilities. To be able to attend the centre, I had to get a psychological evaluation. The psychologist was amazing and when he reviewed my results, he was the first person who told me I excelled at something. I was finally told there was something I was good at, ranking in the 90th percentile for spacial abilities. Looking back, I think this helped me to open my heart just a tiny, tiny crack, enough for God to work through.
Over the next few years I attended university, and sadly enough, I continued to put God on the back burner, becoming distracted by the world. But deep inside I was always searching. In the spring of 2002 I ended up back at my family's church for a Sunday Mass. The parish priest at the time had only been in our parish for one and a half years, and was young besides. I think this caught my attention. He had an excitement in him that I never really experienced before. During the homily he talked about an event called World Youth Day taking place in Toronto. As he was talking I was thinking to myself, ‘Too bad that there was not something like this when I was younger…But I am too old now to go now.’ I did not think anymore about it.
A few days later I received a phone call from a parishioner who was asking me if I would like to be a chaperone for the WYD event that was taking place. She informed me that the Pope would be there. I told her I needed to think about it. I got off the phone and talked with my mom. She told me, “You need to get back on the phone and tell Judy that you are going to see the Pope!” Amazingly, I did not question my mom and a few months later I was headed off to Toronto. I went with a group of seven young people and our new parish priest, Fr. Yves Marchildon. At one particular moment at the expedition sight, there was an announcement made over the PA system that the Pope was coming to the sight for an unexpected visit. He would be there in five minutes. All thoughts left me except for one: I needed to see the Pope. Miraculously, I was right beside the fence where Pope John Paul II drove by in the popemobile, and as he passed by me, I began to cry. I had finally found what I was looking for...LOVE and a sense of belonging.
2. As there are so many kinds of LD would you be willing to share the nature of yours and how it has
affected you specifically?
The nature of my learning disability is that I have difficulty retrieving information from my brain. It affected me in that I was a very impulsive child who loved exploring and trying many different things; however, I generally developed slower than most my age. By grade 5 I still could not read and discovered I had dyslexia, causing me to stay back a year in school. I received a lot of extra help within the school system, and privately as well. Growing up I had very low self-esteem, which socially caused me to have very few friends and lean extremely heavy on my family, who for the most part were very supportive. The one thing I am so grateful for is that, amazingly, with all my challenges, my parents never really treated me differently from my other siblings and always helped me to seek my fullest potential. I remember my mom telling me many times that there would be always someone better than me and someone worse than me in life.
3. (a) How did you discover that you had a calling to the religious life?
After my experience with Pope John Paul II, I became a fool for Christ. Within the next five years I participated and helped lead two Alpha programs and Bible courses, made my Cursillo, chaperoned for four Steubenville conferences, attended a Spiritual Gift workshop, helped lead a Holy Spirit Seminar, took part in WYD Germany and helped begin a ministry for the youth within the Archdiocese of Halifax. Within my parish I was a lector, a youth coordinator, and a catechist for five years, teaching grades primary to two.
I also moved in with a group of Catholic women and surrounded myself with holy people. In 2006 I began my journey with Fr. John, my spiritual director at the time. This was also the year that I began to heavily discern my vocational call, and so I moved into the “Queenship House” that Mother Mary Bernadette (then known as Alice Fougere) was running. I was discerning if I would remain a single woman and take over the home after Mother Mary Bernadette had left to begin the Queenship of Mary Community. Within a month of living in the home Mother Mary Bernadette gently informed me that I would not be running the home. I was devastated. My life plan no longer existed and I had no idea what my vocational call was.
In September 2006 my spiritual director gave me an exercise that for a month I would pray into two questions: 1) If I could have anything (without limitations), what would it be? and 2) What does God want for me? A month later I still don't know what God wanted for me, but for myself I knew that I loved living in community, praying for priests, nature, and I liked Ottawa. My spiritual director smiled and asked when I was going to Ottawa. It took me three or four times of him repeating the question, for me to understand that he was asking when I was moving to Ottawa with Mother Mary Bernadette to begin the Queenship of Mary Community. When I finally realized what he was asking all I could say was, “Maybe in May.”
After the meeting I was so confused and began to doubt. The temptations were heavy and I did not know what to do, so the next day (Wednesday) I decided to give it all back to God, and told Him to decide for me. On Thursday on the way home from work, I felt this great peace deep within and began to say over and over again, “I am going to Ottawa. I am becoming a sister.” When I was finally able to tell Mother Mary Bernadette, her reply was, “I know”!
(b) Do you feel that having a learning disability had a factor in the challenge and gift of discovering that this is God's will for your life?
Yes and no...My struggles with learning helped me become the person I am today - a hard worker, passionate, loyal, and a fighter. However, it is only by the grace of God that I am a sister. What I mean is that my vocation as a sister is a call. God chose this for me, even before I was born. Yes, I needed to give God my ‘fiat’, my ‘yes’, and I believe the struggles I faced in my life gave me the strength to do so, but ultimately it is only through, with and in God I am able to do anything.
4. Do you feel that a vocation with the Queenship of Mary sisters would be a good fit for those with disabilities and/or mental health challenges?
A vocation is a gift from God, and only God knows where each person ''fits in''. When someone discerns with us it is a very personal and unique journey. We pray that our hearts always remain open to all the vocations that God is bringing our way, regardless of their story. God works through broken vessels.
5. In your life with the Queenship of Mary Sisters how have you found that having a learning disability fits in with : your community's charism, hospitality and life of service to others, and other pertinent aspects of your community's life?
First of all, I discovered that I do not have a ''learning disability’', but rather that I just learn differently. I learned to stop labelling myself. It was very hard at first because it was the way I always used to describe myself. In some ways, personally I think the term ''learning disability'' was a crutch for me. I surrendered the crutch to the Lord and found such freedom. Yes, I still learn differently and struggle at times, but God in His greatness can work amazing things through me.
However, with all that I experienced and discovered growing up I have developed such a compassion for others who suffer. Within the community I have met so many people, each with their own story and struggles. My heart reaches out to them and I shed many tears for them and with them. At the same time I so much want to help them reach their full potential, or better yet I want them to experience all that God has in store for them, even when it seems impossible.
I wonder at times how I have come to this point in my life...My journey has taken me to many places, experiencing many adventures. Being a sister is the greatest one yet. My struggles and sufferings have made me who I am today. I am a fighter, loyal to the end, and love the world. I know my heart is huge and gets hurt easily, but God has moulded me beautifully. I am His daughter and His spouse.
For another inspiring read, see:
8 Saints who were depressed, but never gave up